Speak to Shrek

Dear Shrek,

Last season, I felt that I was doing my team a favour, by stepping in as a wicket keeper, as we had no-one else to do it. The 2 regular keepers had fingers like glass, and the most established keeper has long since given up the gloves, as he has had a steel plate inserted into his back. They are not quite sure what caused the initial problem, but they think it is a rare genetic disorder where part of his body is weighing him down from the front, therefore putting strain on his back. However, instead of being appreciative of my efforts, my teammates said that I looked like I was keeping wicket with a pair of saucepan lids. I thought my average bye count of 125 per game was pretty standard. What do you suggest?

Regards

Mike Rophonehead

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Dear Shrek,

I have been at my latest club for a few seasons now, but when I first joned, some of the members of the club assumed that I was a swing bowler, even though I have never been a swing bowler before. I have played racket sports at other clubs, but I am not sure why that would make people assume that my bowling is of the swing variety. The reasons for this assumption has been bugging me for some time. Can you help?

Regards

Harry Grahamway

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Dear Shrek,

As a boy, I was slightly overweight, but as I enter adulthood, I have trimmed down considerably, and now consider myself to be 'cut out of wood' as they say. Despite this, my peers still make reference to my previous weight problems, calling me names such as 'the fat fiddler' and making jibes about me eating Kentucky bargain buckets. This abuse can sometimes been relentless, even from soem previously slim peers who have now overtaken me on the scales. I have tried various ploys to halt the name callling, even getting my mum to come to matches, but it still persists. What can you suggest?

Richard Male

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Dear Shrek

I used to be considered a tail end batsman at my club, but last season, my captain showed an unexpected vote of confidence by promoting me to open the innings as a pinch hitter. I felt that this was a great opportunity to prove myself, as I have always considered myself a 1000 runs a season man if going in to bat early enough. However, my chances of scoring runs were thwarted on a regular basis by my idiot of an opening partner who kept running me out. On the frst couple of occasions I thought that this was a genuine error on his part, but after the 5th time of him playing a forward defensive off a full bunger straight to silly point and calling me through for the run, I thought it might be more personal. This was the final straw, and regrettably I reacted badly on this occasion, using choice language and hurling my kit into the near-by orchard. I am concerned for the coming season, as although my anger management is much improved, I feel that my opening partner may be able to take his vendetta against me further, as he is now captain of my club. What do you suggest?

Regards

Wiliam Oolverine

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